What didst thou just speake of me, thou wretched dog? Know this, knave, I am the fiercest sword in the fleets of Sir Francis Drake, and I hath partaken in numerous raids 'pon the ports of Spain and their cursed Papist allies, and hath carried off over three hundred chests of Doubloons! I am trained in musket warfare and am the best shot in the militias of His Majesty! Thou art nothing to me but another target. I shall strike thee down with all the furies of the Heavens above and Hells below, fury of a sort not yet seen upon this Earth. Thou thinkst that ye can slander me, thinking naught of consequence? Thou art mistaken. For as we speak, I am contacting my spies and friends 'cross the length and breadth of old and Glorious England to locate thee. Thou had best prepare for my storm, ye cowardly poltroon. A divine storm that shalt wipe out thy pathetic existence. Thou art but food for my dogs, for I canst be anywhere at any time, and I canst kill thee in over seven hundred ways with naught but my sword and buckler. Nay, not only am I extensively trained in the arts of unarmed combat, but I hath also access to the entire arsenals of His Majesty's militias. I shall use them to their fullest extent to wipe thy miserable body from the face of Our Lord's Earth, ye blaggard cur. Alas, if only thou had knownst what unholy retribution thy libels were about to bring down on thee, mayhap thou wouldst have kept silent. But ye did not, and now thou shalt pay the price, ye Godforsaken dogsbody. I shall shower fury down from the Heavens upon thee, and thou shalt drown in my torrential downpour of justice. Confess, and prepare to meet thy maker, Sirrah.
Favouritest of all the things
My darkest secret
I am actually a dog.
Like, for real, I'm 5 Shibas working together in a costume, like Voltron.