As a teacher it is my duty to inculcate the next generation of Americans with critical thinking skills and civic values, but mostly I just mine them for the latest memes and trending media. I'll get around to the whole teaching thing eventually.

When people randomly message me on Social Savanna.

Once when my family's home was in danger of being foreclosed upon by the Astoria Country Club, my friends and I followed a treasure map we found in my attic into an underground system of caves where we squared off with a family of bank robbers. When we eventually found the treasure we used it to pay off our mortgage without reporting the windfall to the IRS.